Last few days I have been wondering what do I want out of life? What does life have in store for me? What’s my purpose? Well guess what… I have only one thing to say! I don’t know and I really don’t want to think about it. I just want to soak in each day as it comes. Savour the taste of it. Each day is different, some very slow and harmonious and some days are like a roller-coaster ride.. Just want to process that, understand the little moments and not worry about the bigger picture. I truly believe that if you take each day as it comes and follow your instincts, the bigger picture emerges on its own… It shapes up in its own beautiful, but sometimes heart wrenching way. You just need to step back and wait for the curtains to go up and reveal what awaits you… Its a game of patience.
I don’t mean that you should not plan for the future or not have any aim in life but…”uss zindagi mein kya mazaa jisme kucch raaz na chhupe ho” (life is no fun without some mystery). There is only one thing to do when it gets too confusing…take a break, a couple of days off…. travel some place (doesn’t have to be an exotic destination!). Just unwind..and follow your heart…your instincts….and trust your decisions. You will be fine…go on try it…live each day, take it easy, don’t be hard on yourself. You don’t deserve that… You have to be nice to yourself❤️
Aah yes..it’s that year when my son has learnt about the birds and the bees in detail. He is bursting with detailed information now.
So here we are at the supermarket, my daughter Muskaan, my 13 year old son Sanath and your’s truly. We are standing in queue to pay up. I see Sanath looking at this rack very intently. Curious, I look at the rack and at my eye level I see rack full of candies. So I ask him if he wants some? He gives me a weird look. I look again only to realise that he has been reading details on all the condom packs lined up above the candy rack!!
Before I can react, he stumps me. He looks at me and says, “Hey mom, when is the last time you bought condoms for dad?” Muskaan and I can’t help but laugh out loud and I tell him that dad can buy on his own.
Now I am still recovering with this when he says that he wants to buy it for dad, just for shock effect! I am like…are you serious?! But no, my son insists that he has to buy it for dad as a gift. So here I am buying condoms that my son wants to gift to his dad!
I have never experienced this level of enthusiasm when Muskaan learnt all this but I am absorbing it all!
Now comes the part when we reach home. Sachin is working on his laptop. Sanath is brimming with excitement. He goes to him and says, “Hi dad, got something especially for you” and throws the packet at him. Sachin has no clue! He catches the packet and says, “chewing gum”,without reading at first…until he realises what it is! Let’s just say that the expression and reaction was epic!
As kids we could never think of doing something like this with our parents but our kids teach us everyday that it’s OK to share and talk about whatever we learn. Our children teach us to chill out and loosen up. I think I learnt that my children are comfortable talking about everything under the sun with us and I am happy about it. I would prefer knowing what my children are thinking rather than be in denial about their level of capabilities but then it’s not over yet….lots still to be explored and processed. Until then over and out…..
I remember as kids how are parents scolded us for using foul language. Even to use words like “stupid” or “idiot” was frowned upon and a long lecture was ready as how children from “good” families don’t use this kind of language. Aneet Kaur though, was not one to be easily discouraged. It started small but after hearing the choicest of words in our Kendriya Vidyalaya there came a certain level of comfort using a few adjectives here and there, the milder ones, if I may add! It gave a certain conviction to what one said and felt.
College was in Delhi, God help! It just got better. I just remembered an incident after marriage when Sachin and I went to see the Tower of London. Standing in the queue to see the “Kohinoor” brought a lot of patriotic emotions inside me. I looked around and thought that no Indian was standing around us! So there I was abusing left, right and center as how we had to pay in Pounds to see something which belonged to our country! And this gentleman in front of us turns around and asks, “Are you from Delhi?” Yes, definitely one of my more embarrassing moments!
Then motherhood happened. Aneet Matwankar had a responsibility of curbing her desire to let loose. I would bite my lip each time I had the urge to curse. I have to say I successfully did it for a few years but old habits die hard! Now my son says that he has learnt most of his lovely vocabulary from me, poor innocent me. By the way, that’s something even my dear kid brother Jaspreet Singh claims too!
All I tell my kids is that it’s important to know the meaning of the word before using it on someone. Not to be nasty to others and not to use it to act cool. It is used in this world of ours and it is used in the crudest of way. I tell them…know everything because then you will know what not to use! Choose your words correctly..as it’s easy to form habits. I never said I always make the right choices!
There are different individuals tuned in different ways as per their own nature, their surroundings, their own experiences and their upbringing. There are strong minded people and then there are the mild ones. Some who think ten times before speaking and some who don’t think twice before speaking their minds.
My father always says, “never be afraid of calling a spade a spade”. Agreed, that fear should not be the reason to choose to be quiet. But there can be other reasons.
There are many who believe that only if you speak your mind, you are bold and intelligent. They say it’s always better to say what you feel and take it out of your system or else it becomes poison. Even if it is at the cost of hurting someone’s feelings, as it’s better that they know right away as to how you feel. Some even go to the extent of saying that only dumb people keep their mouths shut.
Since many times I do keep my mouth shut, I can give you a little insight as to how people of my “type” think. It is definitely not because of the fear of confrontation. I don’t think I am dumb, hopefully some of you will agree with that! If you have met me you know I am not a person who is mild for sure. As a child, being brought up in a family which was more women dominated, we were taught to speak our minds and have an opinion about everything.
I would love to state facts everytime. It’s very tempting. What holds me back is the thought that I might hurt someone. Many times it is to avoid heated conversations as that can only be about “who wins”! Sometimes it can be about just understanding why the person in front is behaving the way they are, to be able to empathise with them or even sympathise with them. At times the words are on the tip of my tongue but to have a control over that is maybe not such a dumb thing, maybe it is the most intelligent thing at that moment.
No one path is right or wrong, it’s what you choose to be. It’s not about being smart or dumb, it’s about being selective. It’s a choice and you have to be at peace with it. Peace out!
I choose my life
I have been reading a lot of posts of about housewives, just a housewife, nothing but a housewife and many more descriptions. Ladies who are housewives by choice or because they don’t have a choice sometimes, have to stop feeling sorry for themselves or try to justify their time spent at home.
Until recently, even I would feel left out, upset with people’s questions or remarks. There are still days when I start feeling miserable and ask myself what the hell am I doing? But hold on! I have chosen to be a housewife. I am educated and I can work if I want to, but I choose to be at home. That’s my choice! I want to be there when kids come home from school, I want to be there when they are confused about stuff and want to spar with me, I want to be at home when my husband comes home, to ask him how was his day.
When my husband goes travelling, I want to be that pillar of strength at home to make sure that things are running smoothly and efficiently. Is it always a smooth ride? No, that is expecting too much. There is a lot of shouting, screaming, crying and yes, laughing too.
As a housewife many times you do feel not appreciated, taken for granted or even a doormat. But when you see your family members soaring, there is a sense of pride. There is a sense of accomplishment because in your heart you know that you have a tiny contribution towards their success.
When kids are growing up there is enough time in the day where you can juggle the chores with your own spare time for recreation. What’s wrong with that? When the working partners go out travelling are they only working? No, they have their share of partying, socializing and fun. So why do the housewives need to justify their time whether it’s for all the chores or for some personal time? Of course, they are entitled to that, they earn it! Mind it, if she is happy, the home will be a cheerful place to come to. After all, it’s just a state of mind and it rubs on.
The small experiences or meetings with others who praise your child or talk about their peculiar habits (good and the not so good ones!) make you realise that its all worth it.
It feels absolutely smashing when I go to my daughter’s school for a meeting to be told by all her teachers about her achievements. When I see her choosing friends not seeing their colour, caste or creed I know I have been successful in bringing her up as a good human being. In fact, nowadays I get ticked off by her for some of my old habits which might not be so politically correct!
Yesterday, my husband and I went to my son’s school. Well, all the teachers had some lovely, positive things to say about him but the bouncer (couldn’t resist using this word) was when we went to see the drama teacher. To say the least she was all praises for him but what made my heart swell with pride was when she said that he is a true gentleman and if her own son turns out to be half as good as him she will think her job as a mum is done!
Now, do I want to exchange my place here with any other place? Absolutely not! I love where I am right now. Will this be enough in a few years time when kids are all grown up? Maybe not, but then thats what life is about. You go with the flow and let life take its own course. I will definitely struggle initially when I feel my job is done for now. I am sure God will guide me and there will be friends and family to hold my hand and support. Until then enjoying the rollercoaster ride and making the most of it. Signing off!
In life you are always offered choices. There are lots of clichéd sayings like “when life gives you lemon make lemonade” or “life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass, it’s about learning to dance in the rain” and many more! My husband loves saying, “life is a shit sandwich, the more you squeeze more shit comes out”!
Choices that are small and inconsequential to choices that are big and impacts everyone around you. Choices with respect to our own lives, our children’s lives and even our parent’s lives. I am starting this blog to write about specific choices that I have made, right or wrong. The thought behind the choices, the comedy or tragedy behind it.
We live in a society which is very judgemental, but that hasn’t stopped me from doing what I feel is right for me, my family or people around me. They might not be the best or maybe not the right options but that’s what life is all about! You make a choice and you live by it. I am not going to justify my rights or wrongs but just talk about making those selections as per my personal judgement. I have always tried to understand people’s opinions and respect that and while writing I will try to keep a balance between the choices made by different people. The idea is not to ridicule anyone or pass a judgement on them but instead, talk about the thought behind my options and selections.
My blog my rules!
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